Question: What is Indy Hall's Love Language?
Alex Hillman
This essay was originally published in the Indy Hall newsletter. If you’re not already subscribed, you can sign up here.
As part of the early planning for Indy Hall’s 20th, Adam and I have been having a lot more 1-1 and small group conversations with folks about how to make this milestone special.
We’ve got some big ideas, but before we get to planning them, we’re laying the foundation.
Part of that foundation is revisiting Indy Hall’s core mission and purpose, the ways we have shifted and adapted with the times over our history, and of course how our mission and purpose show up today and in the future.
One of the more interesting ideas that we keep coming back to is how NOT USEFUL the word community has become. Unfortunate, but true.
What actually differentiates the “sense of community” that people describe from Indy Hall, vs places that the word gets used but the experience doesn’t match?
While we were deep in the middle of this “identity” type work, trying to get at the core of how we describe what Indy Hall is and who it’s for, Cam asked almost offhand:
“What’s Indy Hall’s love language?”
Yes, Cam is really good at asking questions.
I responded, half joking, that Indy Hall’s love language is link sharing. The modern version of “this made me think of you.”
But I couldn’t get the question out of my head, so I thought I’d pose it here!
The 5 Love Languages. Which one?
Like most things that brush up against spirituality, I don’t think of Gary Chapman’s list of 5 “love languages” as universal or bounding, but instead more of an organizing idea and a tool for learning and exploring together.
A way to sort through complexity and find useful patterns.
In case you’re not familiar, the original 5 Love Languages are:
- Words of Affirmation — expressing care through encouragement and appreciation
- Acts of Service — doing things for someone to show you care
- Receiving Gifts — thoughtful tokens that say “I was thinking of you”
- Quality Time — undivided, intentional presence
- Physical Touch — care expressed through physical connection
If you use these to frame up community experiences instead of romantic ones, I think we end up with some interesting observations.
For example, my half-joking example of sharing links is a form of receiving gifts.
It’s also sort of an indication of witnessed existence. Someone was going about their day, saw something in the world, and you were present enough in their mind to make the connection.
Another example could be acts of service.
Indy Hall runs on people who notice something needs doing or someone needs help, and it just happens. Mutual & self-organizing, not a scoreboard.
Cam himself offered quality time.
Many Indy Hall experiences starts with the proximity of being around other likeminded people, but the “magic moments” tend to happen when people choose to break through the work day small talk and actually learn something about one another.
Maybe Indy Hall’s love language isn’t one of the five.
Or maybe it’s all of them, in different doses, depending on where you are in your story with us.
Which of the 5 love languages do you associate with Indy Hall?
Not necessarily my or Adam’s, but what ways does the Indy Hall community itself show care?
Whenever someone says that they love the energy or vibe, I like to remind them “that’s because good people like you hang out here.”
Everyone leaves that good energy for the next person.
So once again, here are the five love languages:
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
Which one do you think best represents how Indy Hall shows care? And what’s a moment that showed you?
Send me a note — I’d love to hear your answer.
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